Compassion for Parents: A Lifeline for SEND Children and Young People

I am deeply humble when I am in the presence of parents of children with Special Educational Needs and Disabilities (SEND), who are actively trying to seek the right support for their child. They teach me how to be a better clinician from their lived experiences, which become little pockets of gifts, I place in my dramatherapy treasure box to call upon when theory isn't always a practical application. I found myself in conversation with a parent the other day and as we spoke about the types of support available for their child. There was a sense of relief - their shoulders lowed, and voice softened - as we explored what was available together. As the consultation closed, the parent thanked me for taking the time to be with and to listen. Parents of SEND children worry all the time about if their children will be taken care of if something was to happened to them. As I write these words I am overcome with the emotion that I felt the first time I heard this fear. In that moment my heart filled with compassion and so much admiration toward the parents.   

We are Bettertogether

As parents of children with Special Educational Needs and Disabilities (SEND), one of the most heart-wrenching fears is the uncertainty about the future. What will happen when they are no longer around to provide care and support? Who will look out for their child’s well-being when they cannot be there to advocate for them? This anxiety is shared by many SEND families, as the reality of an unpredictable future can feel overwhelming and isolating.  

One of the most profound ways we can ease this burden is through early intervention. By focusing on teaching children and young people essential life skills, domestic abilities, and ways to develop their own voice, we give them the tools they need not only to thrive but to navigate the world independently. Early intervention can be the difference between a child and young person who is vulnerable and one who is still vulnerable, though empowered to advocate for themselves and understand right from wrong.  

The Importance of Early Intervention  

Early intervention isn’t just about teaching children how to perform tasks; it’s about fostering a sense of confidence and self-reliance. The earlier a child begins to learn life skills, whether it's understanding personal safety, learning to communicate effectively, or managing daily routines, the better equipped they will be to face the future. It’s about ensuring that they aren’t just surviving in the world, but thriving and truly engaging with it in a meaningful and confident way.  

We are Bettertogether

Life skills, such as cooking, cleaning, and personal care, not only promote independence but also enable children and young people to function confidently within their homes and communities. These skills can transform a young person's self-esteem and enhance their ability to live more autonomously, reducing the likelihood that they will face neglect or mistreatment in environments where others might assume their lack of capability.  

Domestic skills, too, can provide a sense of pride and accomplishment. Many parents fear their child may end up in residential care or group homes, unable to navigate day-to-day tasks without constant assistance. But when SEND children are taught how to manage their own spaces and routines, they are empowered to participate more fully in society an important step towards their future well-being and security.  

Developing a Voice: Advocacy for Themselves

Perhaps one of the most critical aspects of early intervention is helping SEND children find their voice. From an early age, it’s essential to teach them how to express their needs, emotions, and desires. Every child deserves to be heard, and for many SEND children and young people their voice may not always be spoken in words. Verbal communication is one of the most obvious ways to express needs, desires, and emotions, but we must also recognise the diverse ways in which children communicate, including through body language, facial expressions, sign language, art, music, and assistive technologies. Non-verbal advocacy is often as powerful If not more so than verbal communication. A child who struggles with speech may communicate their needs or discomforts through gestures, facial expressions, or physical actions. It's our responsibility as adults to learn how to read and respond to these cues effectively. Therapists often play a key role in this, working with children to build confidence in expressing themselves in non-verbal ways, while educators can help integrate these methods into classroom routines.  

For many SEND children, learning to advocate for themselves may be a lifelong process. This includes understanding the difference between right and wrong, recognising when they are being mistreated, and knowing how to seek help if needed. By encouraging children and young people to speak out and assert their rights, parents help to prepare them for a future where they can make decisions that affect their own lives, rather than having others make those decisions for them.  

It is a tragedy that far too often, children and young people with SEND face mistreatment or exclusion, both in and out of school settings. Developing the skills to spot the signs of mistreatment and learning how to stand up for themselves whether that’s through telling an adult or seeking support from peers helps prevent such issues from escalating. Early intervention can be a powerful tool in arming children and young people with the ability to spot dangers, avoid exploitation, and maintain a sense of control over their own lives.  

The Role of Parents  

For parents of SEND children, fostering these skills can often feel like an overwhelming responsibility. It's understandable to worry about the future, especially when the reality is that the care system is already under strain. But parents can also be the greatest advocates for their children, creating environments where their children can practice self-advocacy, learn life skills, and develop resilience.  

We are Bettertogether

Supporting children in their journey towards independence doesn’t mean doing everything for them. Instead, it involves providing the guidance, tools, and encouragement needed to grow and learn. Early intervention can help give parents the peace of mind that, even if they are not there to care for their child forever, they have instilled a sense of confidence and autonomy that will serve them for a lifetime.  

Practical Starting Points for Parents, Carers, and Educators  

For parents and carers, it’s important to start with small, consistent steps that foster independence. Here are a few practical ideas to get started:  

We are Bettertogether

• Encourage communication: Whether verbal or non-verbal, help your child find ways to express themselves. You might use picture cards, sign language, or apps designed to support communication. Model the language of advocacy by teaching them to say “I need help” or “I feel upset” when necessary.  

• Promote Life Skills: Encourage the development of everyday skills, such as getting dressed, making a snack, or tidying up. Even simple tasks help to build confidence and a sense of autonomy.  

• Create a Safe Environment: Foster an environment at home where mistakes are okay and where the child feels supported in trying new things, without fear of failure.  

• Set up a will: Ensure your wishes are clearly documented regarding guardianship and the care of your child. Specify who will have legal responsibility for your child in the event of your passing. 

• Name guardianships for your child: Choose individuals who align with your values and who can provide a stable and loving environment. Discuss this decision with the chosen guardians beforehand to ensure they are willing and prepared. Build relationships between your child and their potential guardians for future proofing. Share information about your child’s personality, preferences, and needs to make the transition easier. This might include spending time with them without you and overnight stays with or without you.  

• Home teach Personal, Social, Health, and Economic Education (PSHE): Educate your child on topics like personal boundaries, health, and well-being at home. 

• Foster open communication about feelings, friendships, and personal safety. 

• Teach changes in the body as you grow: Help your child understand the natural physical and emotional changes that happen as they grow, such as puberty. Discuss the importance of self-care and understanding one’s own body. 

• Face and body map: Teach your child how to identify and express pain, both physically (using a face and body map) and through verbal communication. Encourage them to express their discomfort and seek help when necessary. 

• Know My Body: Help your child understand the parts of their body and establish a sense of ownership over it. 

• Safe touch: Teach your child the difference between safe and unsafe touches, emphasising body autonomy and consent. Use visuals to explain appropriate and inappropriate touches, making sure they understand they have the right to say no to anything that feels wrong. 

• Consent Teach "Yes and No": Teach your child the importance of saying “yes” and “no” and respecting others' boundaries. Role-play scenarios where your child can practice giving and receiving consent in a safe environment. Use visual aids to help your child understand the difference between safe and unsafe touches. Create clear, simple images or charts that represent what types of touch are acceptable and who they should feel comfortable with. 

• Encourage imaginative play using small toys, figures, and scenes to help your child develop social, emotional, and cognitive skills. 

  

  We are Bettertogether

  For educators, there are several strategies that can enhance a SEND child’s ability to advocate for themselves in the classroom:  

• Differentiated Learning: Adapt lessons to accommodate various learning styles, ensuring that SEND children have access to the material in a way that works best for them. This could include using visual aids, assistive technologies, or modifying tasks based on their abilities.  

• Self-Advocacy Training: Teach children and young people about their rights and encourage them to communicate their needs. This might include regular one-on-one sessions where children and young people are given the chance to express concerns, needs, or preferences about their learning.  

• Inclusive Practices: Promote a classroom culture where every voice is valued. Encourage peer support and create opportunities for all children and young people to contribute in ways that feel comfortable for them.  

To conclude, the fear of not being there for a child in the future is a deeply human concern, particularly for parents of SEND children. But through early intervention, parents can help build a foundation of life skills, domestic abilities, and self-advocacy that will support their children long after they have grown. While we may never be able to fully alleviate the worry of the unknown, we can take steps now to equip young people with the tools to navigate life with confidence, dignity, and independence.  

In the end, it is through compassion, understanding, and early intervention that we can offer the most vital support to both SEND children and their families. With these essential skills in place, the future need not be feared because, no matter what lies ahead, children and young people will have the strength to face it.